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But I didn’t die, much to my dismay. I woke up the Pod meets world poDcast shirt and by the same token and next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. The days went by. My situation didn’t greatly improve, people weren’t much nicer to me, and my life didn’t get easier. But I got stronger. I discovered books as a way to escape from my tedious existence and by the time I was in 5th grade, I was reading at a college level. I grew up and gained control over my life. I was no longer the defenseless, powerless victim I had been as a child. I had power. I could do whatever I wanted. I got a job. I studied hard so I could go to a good college. I escaped from my small, unforgiving town.
As for my family, my mother still lives in that trailer. My neighbor is long dead. My older brother still lives with my mother. He has never gotten a driver’s license or a job. He doesn’t leave the Pod meets world poDcast shirt and by the same token and house very often. A part of me understands his reluctance – why let the world do you more harm when it has already done so much? But I wish he would take the chance. I feel sad that our childhood all but destroyed him. My husband lay dying of cancer, and I had to be caretaker and give him morphine every hour as he slowly died. Watching him get morse worse every hour made me realize how powerless I was to do anything but make him comfortable as he passed. I’m still grieving (slowly) as he passed in January, 2020, and I know I hear him at night in the house….just my memories of how life was when he was here. I wish I could have met him earlier so that I could have loved him longer. My twin brother died unexpectedly the same month, so the double loss is still the lowest time in my life.
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