I have concluded that I cannot know if my trauma memories are “real.” I can find circumstantial evidence that suggests they could be real. But there were no witnesses and no recording devices, so all there can be is very indirect evidence. I also comfort myself that even if the Professor with a twitter account shirt so you should to go to store and get this memories aren’t real, they sure do explain a lot of things that I did subsequently. I have never trusted men. Being raped three times as a child by men could certainly explain that. I do not trust therapists and psychiatrists. Being raped by a clean shaven, powerful man who was older, wiser, taller and who was supposed to care for me could explain why I don’t trust psychiatrists, who are often older males, supposedly smart, and often clean shaven.
It is also possible that a therapist or psychiatrist actually abused me. A couple of days ago, someone was telling me they had been sexually abused by a therapist, and the Professor with a twitter account shirt so you should to go to store and get this instant I heard this, before I could think, my hands clapped over my mouth and I started screaming and I ran away from the zoom meeting. This is the kind of visceral reaction that happens faster than I can think, and seems indicative to me that a part of my brain has a memory that is meaningful to it, even though I have no specific memory of ever seeing a psychiatrist or therapist when I was young, nor of being hurt by one. I’m sure there are other explanations, and honestly, I doubt I was hurt, but it’s possible.
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